Green Drama: A Declaration of War

I just received a call from Lorren “LoLo” Lancanster, who is still as I type these words, a one-third owner of the Green Dragon Pub and Bistro.  In protest to majority owner Ed Schwartz’s intent to sell the business to Rogue, Lancaster has responded to Rogue’s Declaration of Independence with the following Declaration of War:

Declaration of War

We the minority owners of The Green Dragon, the little people, the Founders Club, the loyal patrons who love the Dragon so, openly declare war on the oppressive forces of the Rogue Nation. We make this Declaration in response to Rogue’s direct attack upon the Dragon.

For those who do not know, Rogue is seeking to execute a hostile take over of the Dragon. This takeover is against the wishes of the masses. Our pockets may not be deep, but our hearts are, and our numbers many.

I implore you to visit Rogue’s website and read their creed, their declaration of independence and what they believe in. Their creed makes many claims about the beliefs and values of the Nation. If you read the creed you will see that the Nation’s actions are in direct violation of their creed. Due to the Nation’s direct violation of their creed we request that all members of the Nation, who believe in what Rogue allegedly stands for, to stand with us in our new revolution. We encourage you to act in some sort of symbolic protest. Perhaps all members of the Nation who are against the Treasonous acts of their leaders, mail or deliver their Nation ID’s back to Rogue. Ghandi was at the forefront of non-violence protest, the art of Satyagraha—the résistance to tyranny through mass civil disobedience. Join us!

Rogue claims to be a small revolution. They aspire to be a successful organization “without being big.” Rogue claims they will “stand up to the big guy trying to bully his way into whatever business or territory he wants.” They claim Rogue will be “David.” In Rogue’s “Fundamental Agreement” they make many claims such as: “they will be honest on the battlefield, and most important “cut out the BS.”

The Nation further believes as stated in their “Declaration of Independence” that the members of their nation “are endowed with certain unalienable Rights, that among these Freedom of Expression, Absence of Bull Shit, Variety, and the pursuit of Beer with Taste. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituting among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the Consumers: that when any Form of Government becomes destructive to taste, Expression, Quality, or Fun, it is the right of the Consumers to alter or to abolish it and to institute a new Government.” Further, they declare that all members of their Nation shall “of Right ought to be Free and Independent.” Well Rogue, we the Consumers, we the family of Green Dragon, wish to abolish you from our nation.

The leaders of the Nation need to take a long look in the mirror. There they will find a bunch of hypocrites. They are a large multi-national corporation, seeking to take down the little guy. I am certain this backdoor sneak attack, an undercover theft of the Dragon, is not “honesty on the battlefield.” The Dragon’s alleged crime: trying to build a place for the neighborhood, a place where friends and family can drink good beer and food at reasonable prices. We the family of the Dragon truly represent David and we will take down the Goliath known as Rogue. If they truly believe the claims they make on their website, they will lay their arms down and leave the battlefield. If you, the leaders of the Nation surrender now, we many revolutionaries will take no further action, you will be allowed to return to your homes. However, you will get no spoils of war from us.

Just like the founding fathers based at the Original Green Dragon, who formed a revolution to crush the British, we also will spill Rogue’s Tea. The Founding Fathers of the United States wrote in their Declaration of Independence: “When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal stationed to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the cause which impel them to separation.” (July 4, 1776). We, the many of the Dragon, are equally stationed, our opinions dictate and require that you remain separate. Two separate nations free to do what they desire.

This aggression will not stand….man (“The Dude”)

“Let us cry havoc and release the [dragons] of war.” (William Shakespeare and his dogs)

Signed—

The Many. The Proud. The family of the Dragon.

According to Lancaster, the war declaration was passed around the Dragon last night and “signed by many faithful Green Dragon patrons.” Lancaster added that, in the presence of Rogue’s prospective new management, a Green Dragon “faithful” displayed and burned a Rogue Nation card.  “The support of the Green Dragon community has been amazing” said Lancaster.  “We are not going down without a fight.”  Further, there appears to be a growing interest in making the Green Dragon a co-op brewpub.  More to come as things unravel.